


Direct Diplomacy (Or, The Elevator Where It Happens)

by still_intrepid



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst and Humor, Arguing, Brothers Germany & Prussia (Hetalia), Christmas, Gen, Gen Work, Humor, International Relations, No Romance, Politics, Silly, Trapped In Elevator, a little serious in places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5565964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_intrepid/pseuds/still_intrepid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a beautifully simple plan. Obviously, people who get trapped in elevators confront their issues, share their secrets and have character/relationship development.  You can hardly rely on coincidence to arrange all this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Direct Diplomacy (Or, The Elevator Where It Happens)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [am_fae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/am_fae/gifts).



> @aphgenficexchange gift for @meadowlarkx aka am_fae on tumblr
> 
> The really silly plot bunny that I just could not shake.

 

*******

_December 23 rd 2015, 1802 EDT_

******* _  
_

“An extra meeting at this time,” England grumbled.  “We should be going home!”

“The wonderful Western work ethic,” said China.  “No wonder you are still leading the world.”

“That was uncalled-for.”  England shoved open the next set of doors along the corridor.

“I suppose you want to get back for your Christmas celebrations.”

“Yes, I do, as a matter of fact.”

“But it’s only Tuesday.  Ugh, don’t walk so _fast_.”

“Some places make a big deal of Christmas Eve,” said England, not slowing down.

“Not you though, I don’t think?”

“ _Some_ people _might_ not have finished their Christmas shopping yet.”

“I see…”

“Hey guys, wait up!” Hong Kong jogged through the doors behind them.  “You going to this Final Addended Supra-Plenary or whatever?”

“Yes,” said England, “and good Lord is that actually what they’re calling it?  Manager speak, kill me now.”

“Hello, Hong Kong.”

“Yo.”

“ _I know you’re doing that on purpose to annoy me!!”_

“Doing what? Hey so anyway, if this thing goes on longer than an hour and a bit?  Let’s just bail.”

They’d reached the elevator.   “That’s got my vote,” England said.  “I don’t know why we need to still be here.”

“I don’t see why we can’t just Skype meetings, like…”

“Oh please _no_ ,” said England and China together.  They blinked at each other.

“The sooner we start the sooner we can get home,” England declared.  “Eleventh floor, is it?”

*******

In another part of the building, Finland and Estonia were waiting for their elevator.

Finland checked the email on his phone again.  “I nearly didn’t read this!  ‘Supra-Addendum Summative Review Plenary’, that sounds so fake!”

“Tell me about it,” said Estonia.

“But since you got it too…  Come oon, elevator, we’re going to be late!”

“I’m in no hurry, if they wanted us to be on time, they should have given proper warning.”

“I worry other people will have missed the message and just gone home…”

“Lucky them.”

“I’ll fill in Sweden and the others when I get back, I guess.”

“Mmm…” Estonia tapped his phone screen, texting.  “I’d rather Lithuania and Latvia were here for this themselves.  Why should I be the only one to suffer?”

“It shouldn’t take too long!” said Finland bracingly.  “Especially since it’s in the second _basement_ … isn’t that a little strange?”

*******

Russia called the elevator in the side tower for the 21st floor.

Ukraine and Belarus stood a little behind him, each deep in their own thoughts.

“I want to get home,” said Belarus, more to herself than anyone else.  “It’s nearly Christmas, and it’s too warm in here.  I want to work on my lack of wonder.”

“There,” said Ukraine vaguely, “we’ll be home in plenty of time for Christmas, I’m sure this won’t take long.”

Russia smiled, with a serene faraway look in his eye.  “ _It had better not,_ ” he said, though he wasn’t celebrating for another two weeks.

*******

“Maybe it got taken to lost property or something!  We’ll try reception!”

Prussia and Germany had just searched under every flip-down seat of the main lecture hall for Prussia’s journal.

“Are you _sure_ you left it in here?” asked Germany.

“Uh… haha, that’s the thing, I’m not sure _where_ I left it, but I’m sure it’ll turn up!  It’s no big deal, what do I always say?  I’d forget my own head if it wasn’t attached to my shoulders, ha!  Come on, let’s go back downstairs before reception closes.”

Germany frowned at Prussia’s back as he bounded out of the door.  “You never say that.  You have a very _good_ memory.”

Prussia turned back and laughed.  “Ah, my head’s just full of CHRISTMAS, right?? Can’t wait to get home and celebrate with the whole gang, then France’s thing, should be wild…  Glad this is finally over, if I had to sit through one more meeting like that, drifting from topic to topic… No discipline these days, that’s the problem.”

Germany sighed. It had been an exhausting conference. He too was glad it was finally time to go home.  

They got into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor.

*******

_CRRRR-UNK_

_CRRRR-UNK_

_CRRRR-UNK_

_CRRRR-UNK_

*******

“Why have we stopped?”  Hong Kong prodded the ‘11’ button several times.

“I don’t know…” England frowned at the display above the door that still stubbornly displayed ‘5’.  “You alright there, China?”  He offered a hand to China who had stumbled and nearly fallen over when the lift had shuddered to a stop.  

“Fine, fine,” said China, batting his hand away.  “Hong Kong, stop mashing those buttons, it is not helping.”

“Well, what do you suggest?  We’re totally stuck here.”

“We’re not _stuck_ , surely.”  England sounded alarmed.  “Let’s just get out here and take a different lift, or the stairs.”

“Hello?  The doors won’t open?”  Hong Kong pressed the doors button a few times to demonstrate.

“…We’re trapped,” said China.

“Stop being so dramatic!” said England.

“What? We totally are, that’s just, like, a fact,” said Hong Kong,  He sat down in a corner and got out his phone.

“Are you calling the police?” asked China.

“I’m playing Puzzles and Dragons.”

“What??” England exploded. “But we need to _do_ something!”

Hong Kong shrugged. “What _can_ we do?”

“We could sound the alarm at least!” said England in exasperation.

“Yeah, yeah, I tried that, no one—”

A crackle of static came in over the loudspeaker.

“There!  Now we can…”

Then came the announcement.  It was not what you might call _any bloody use at all._

*******

“We’re really not moving!!” Finland squeaked.  “Okay, everyone, stay calm…”

“Who ‘everyone’ are you talking to?” asked Estonia.

“You. And, myself.  What do we do, Estonia?”  

“It’s okay, it’ll be fine.”  Estonia pressed the alarm call a couple more times, then got out his phone.

“Ooooh,” said Finland, “can we hack into the building’s security system and open the doors??”

Estonia shot him a Look.  “This isn’t a Hollywood movie, you can’t fix a mechanical fault remotely by pressing a button.”

“Oh…”

The loudspeaker crackled.

They listened to the announcement.

And turned to each other in bewilderment.

**_***_ **

“Awwww, what, you’ve gotta be kidding me!”  Prussia pounded on the elevator doors.  “Hey! HEY!  Open up!  We’re still in here!  I was just looking for my journal! …Seriously, what gives?  It hits 5pm here and they shut the whole thing down? HEY!  Open the doors!”

“Quiet a moment!” Germany interrupted his flow.

“What?”

“Let me call building security.”

“Oh, yeah, great idea bro!  I’ll give those jobsworths a piece of my mind, locking us up here!”

“It’s probably just a mechanical fault,” Germany sighed, frowning at the panel as the phone rang but no one answered, “short circuit or something…”

In fact, it was neither.

The loudspeaker crackled.

They listened to the announcement.

“Okay what the fuck,” said Prussia.

*******

“But this is America…” Ukraine punched buttons to no avail.  “This isn’t supposed to happen…”

Russia beamed sunnily.  “Well now, doesn’t this just show—”

“That this sort of thing can happen _anywhere_ ,” Ukraine said.  She pushed the alarm call button.

“Russia, hold me,” Belarus demanded.

Russia backed into the wall.  “No, that’s alright.”

Belarus glared at him.  “But I’m so afraid,” she said impassively.

“You’ll be fine.”

Belarus sighed and flopped down to the ground in a rustle of fabric.  She hugged her knees and continued to glare at Russia and the opposite wall.

“No one’s answering,” said Ukraine.

“I could try to smash the doors open,” Russia suggested.  “I have my favourite pipe in my briefcase.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“We could be in the middle of a shaft somewhere…” Belarus murmured.  “We might not even be on a floor.  This floor might not even exist, we were not meant to be here. Like that movie.  But we could climb up or down the lift cable.  We could use my ribbons, or I could braid my hair. But I don’t really want to cut it off.”

“I don’t think… that would work… and we don’t want you to cut your hair off either, dear,” said Ukraine, smiling, but not looking away from the control panel.  “Does anyone have the number for reception?  Or we could try America, or—”

The loudspeaker crackled into life.

They listened to the announcement.

*******

 

> _Ladies and Gentlemen!_
> 
> _Okay, first of all, hi, how are you?  And I’m sorry about tricking you, but hey! be happy, there isn’t really a supra-addengum final plenary session, I just made that up to get you in the room._
> 
> _Well, the elevator._
> 
> _The elevator where it happens, get it?_
> 
> _You might be wondering why you’re here.  That’s my second of all: Diplomacy!!  Solving problems through negotiation.  Direct dialogue.  Talking to each other.  It’s good to talk._ These _are the big themes right now, and this is exactly what I want you to do!_
> 
> _Okay?_
> 
> _So, yeah, I’ve locked the doors.  And I’m not unlocking them until you guys make some progress!    Really spill those guts.  Dig into your issues and difficulties.  Come on and get some_ catharsis.   _All those things you’ve been wanting to say forever but never had the nerve?  This is your opportunity!_
> 
> _Alrighty, that’s about it from me!  I might check in on you again later on, but, guys: I’m not gonna direct your discussions. This isn’t about me, it’s about you._
> 
> _On your marks… set… DIALOGUE!_

*******

Ukraine stayed where she was, facing the wall.  

“This isn’t funny, Alfred,” she said, very quietly.  

*******

England and China took turns shouting into the metal grille on the wall.

“AMERICA!  I know you’re there!!  Pick up the phone!!!”

“America, this is disgusting behaviour!  You disrespect your elders!!”

“What he said!! This is tantamount to terrorism, you can’t keep us hostage like this and make us _talk_ to each other!”

“This is outrageous!!”

Hong Kong hadn’t moved from his corner.  “Call him on his…” he began, “oh, nice, he’s blocked the 3G… I wonder how he even did that…”

“THIS IS A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION!” shouted England.  “We have a right to toilet facilities and freedom of communication and, and freedom from being stuck in a box, LET US OUT!”

“LET US OUT!” China echoed.  

“Like… guys?” Hong Kong waved vaguely with his phone.  “You know he can hear you?  And I bet he’s finding this whole thing mega-entertaining, but don’t you think maybe we should do what he says?”

“Do what America says?” England fumed.  “Why on earth should _anyone_ , _ever,_ do that?”

“Uh, because we’re locked in an elevator and he can let us out?”

“We can escape!” England declared, turning around with eyes sparkling. “Maybe one of us could pretend to be ill or injured!”

Hong Kong raised an eyebrow.  “We can’t escape.  And maybe you shouldn’t _say your plans out loud_ when I’ve just pointed out America’s probably listening to every word we say?”

“…You have a point there.”

“Maybe one of us could _really_ be ill or injured!” China started opening his briefcase. “I could give you an inadvisable combination of Chinese medicine!”

“Nooo, thank you,” said England hastily.

“Or I could just kick you hard in the head.”

“No!  What the hell?”

“All I am trying to do is help.”

“Guys, seriously!” Hong Kong yelled.  “I think we need to talk about our Issues!”

*******

“So… can you _try_ the hacking?”

Estonia was frowning, deep in thought.  “Sorry, what?”

“Use your l33t hacker skills to get us out of here.”

Estonia glared. “It doesn’t work like that, that’s movie stuff, I already said—”

“But—”

“Even if I could get into the system, which I _can’t_ , because, look the phone signal’s gone, _and_ the Guest WiFi—”

“But—”

“Finland, it won’t work!  Stop going on and on about hacking!  I know what I’m talking about.   _Trust me_.”  He stared hard at Finland, to make sure he got the message.

Finland pouted back at him.  “…Fine,” he said.  “Wow, Estonia, that was… kind of fierce there!  What if I was terribly claustrophobic or something and freaked out?”

Estonia was focusing his attention on his phone again.  “You’re not, I know you well enough to know that,” he said absently.

“Soo…” Finland hummed.  “Um, what should we…  We should talk about something, or something…  I mean, it’s _worth a try_ , isn’t it?”

Estonia raised his eyebrows.  “Yeah, okay. Okay, come at me, what are you Issues with me?  Our relationship can take it, you do trust me… right?”

“Right.”

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

*******

The hum of the elevators had stopped when they’d stopped, and there was no background music  Russia, Ukraine and Belarus hung suspended in a small metal box in silence.

“We could talk,” Russia said softly after a while.  “We have no difficulties of the order America was meaning, but… I would like us to talk through your problems.  We could talk.  You know I’m always here for you.”

Ukraine felt she was barely holding herself together.   _Your problems._  Her hands clenched into fists at her side.  She said nothing.

“Sister…?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Belarus got to her feet and stamped over to Russia.  “Just fucking hold me already, I’m so claustrophobic and terrified.”

She leaned, deadweight, into him, her head just reaching his chest.  Russia gracelessly put his arms around her and patted her on the back.

*******

“Ha!” Prussia was striding up and down the floor, which was difficult as it allowed for only about two and half strides in either direction.  “What is America thinking?  He’s crazy!  We don’t have problems or secrets or any of that, do we, bro?  Hey?  I said… uh, are you okay?”

“Uhm.” Germany’s eyes flicked from one side of the room to the other.  “I feel a little… ah…”  

“What?” Prussia stared and put a hand on his shoulder.  “You’re claustrophobic?”

Germany nodded. “I think.,,  Yes.”

“Nah!!  You’re not claustrophobic!  I’d know, I’ve seen… Nahhh, you can’t be!!”

Germany tried to laugh.  “Th-that’s not a very… supportive reaction…”  He swallowed, his breathing already shallow.

“But… I’ve seen you in elevators before!  And, and _tanks_!”

“Tanks have doors,” growled Germany.  “I’m fine … as long as I know I can _get out_ …”

“Okay!” said Prussia.  “Okay okay okay.  Uh, gotta distract you, what’ve we got in here…”  He started to open his briefcase then stopped.  “Oh wait no, hey, no problem here…” He sprang over to the communications panel by the door.  “Let’s apply some… German engineering… just jimmy open this panel here and— _ahhh_!!”

There was a shower of sparks and Prussia jumped back, dropping his keys to the floor and shaking his hands around, his hair standing on end.  

“You know what never mind, that was a stupid idea,” said Prussia shakily.  “Oww.”

“You’re giving up?” Germany was surprised.

“Yeah, heh, well there’s gotta be a way without risking life and limb! Don’t panic, though, we’ll just go back to the distracting, they’ll get us out of here in no time…”

“Well, it wouldn’t be life and,” Germany began, “– no, what am I saying, we’re in a metal room, you should definitely stop prodding the electrics.  I’m just surprised that you are stopping…”

“Haha!” Prussia laughed manically.  “Yeah, well!!”

Germany was busy trying to convince himself that the walls weren’t moving towards him. Otherwise, he might have begun to wonder about certain things.

*******

In his control room, America reached for more popcorn.

Result!  It had been quite a logistical effort, putting the emails out at just the right moment, making sure the target groups were together, sending them all off in different directions to make sure they wouldn’t run into each other. And so far it seemed to working… fairly well.

Prussia and Germany—he hadn’t even meant to catch them, they was a bonus.  In fact—he squinted at the black and white feed from their elevator—Germany looked unwell, maybe he should let him out…  But he couldn’t do that!  Not yet. That would mean putting all the elevators back online and loosing all the targets.  Prussia would handle it, surely.

And China and England and Hong Kong might be getting somewhere, they seemed to be on the point of really opening up. As might Russia and co… possibly. Those were the two groups he had pinned his hopes on.

But the breakout stars of the night!  Finland and Estonia!  He hadn’t even thought they had that many issues to work out and had just included them on the off-chance and because it was relatively easy to arrange.  But it seemed like they were going to achieve some _serious_ breakthrough and catharsis in a little while.

Because right now, they were shouting at each other at the tops of their voices.

America flicked the audio on his headphones to their channel.  Honest discussion!  A frank airing of views!  This was _great_!

*******

Finland was getting red in the face.  “If you weren’t so obsessed with… with being like a mini-America instead of a proper European, none of this would have happened!”

“EXCUSE ME?” retorted Estonia, flabbergasted enough to look up from his phone for a second. “This is _my_ fault now? How is this my fault??”

“You’ve even started trying to dress and do you hair like him!!”

“I—I have _not_!”  Estonia patted his hair down self-consciously.

But Finland wasn’t finished.  “You keep saying you want to be one of us Nordics, why don’t you act like it?? Why don’t you run a nice social democracy like the rest of us?”

“Oh, sure, because all your people are _thrilled_ with your hyper-regulation, it’s not like they’re _always hopping the border_ to buy alcohol and things… Oh wait, _they are_.”

“Not this again! You don’t understand.  People need _some_ guidance, to let them do whatever they want is just irresponsible!”

“Oh, you want to talk about responsible?” scoffed Estonia.  “It’s all very well to brag about your perfect system when you’ve got such cushy conditions unaffected by what’s actually going on around you! Maybe if you actually took any interest in anything outside your cozy little block and, I don’t know, joined the EU—”

“Joined the—I _AM_ IN THE EU, _WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM_ ESTONIA?!”

*******

“…well, I don’t really have any issues with you,” Hong Kong said to England.  “I don’t actually think about you that much anymore, no offense.”

“‘No offense’, that makes everything alright, doesn’t it?” England grouched.

Hong Kong waved with his phone again.  “Nah, but seriously, like you never call or anything, I mean we’re cool but… I mean, that’s the point, we’re pretty cool, right?  Nowadays.”

“…You could have put it more positively,” said England, “but, yes, I agree, I really don’t think we have major unresolved issues to talk through.”

“Now _you two_ …”

“—are entering a golden decade in Sino-British relations,” England said stoically.

“Oh _please._ You’ve got just centuries of _stuff_ , you can’t fool _me_ of all people.”

“And we’re over it, it’s a new world order, now we work together,” said China.

England grunted. “It’s as simple as that, is it?”

“Well…”

England shook his head.  “…This isn’t the time or place.”

“It _isn’t_ very diplomatic,” China agreed.

“It’s absurd! What does America think he’s playing at?”

“Oh geez, you guys, don’t start that again!!”

“But really!” England flung up his hands and paced three steps in each direction. “What are we supposed to discuss?  What am I supposed to say?   _China, stop dumping steel, would you?”_

“Oho!” China stepped across to intercept his pacing.  “That’s how it is?  No high and hypocritical question about my human rights record?”

“Good point! That too!”  England sighed and shook his head.  “We can’t do this here, it’s too complicated.  Now— _you_ two…”

“Hey, are you saying my problems aren’t _complicated_?” asked Hong Kong.

“We don’t have problems,” said China at the same time.

“Oh my God,” said Hong Kong, “we do, I’ve told you.”

“And I’ve listened.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yes I have.”

“This is what I mean!!  You keep like trying to run my life, and that’s not cool.”

England watched with interest.  He had very rarely seen Hong Kong so fired-up.

“It is my job as your guardian!”

“No it _isn’t_!   _Two systems_ ; and you can’t just decide to change the terms of mine when you don’t like it anymore!”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” said China firmly, “and we have resolved these matters.”

“Sure we have.” Hong Kong looked at England. “You’re totally right, this is a dumb idea.  America?” he called to the ceiling.  “You can let us out now?”

“Of course that won’t work,” China said peevishly.

“Ugh, stop _talking_ ,” —and that was really _very_ rude, England thought.  Hong Kong returned to his phone game, but not before firing his parting shot: “I’m not listening to anyone who _eats noodles on the subway_.  I was never so embarrassed in my entire life.”

“I’m an old man and I need my food,” China snapped, “I won’t apologize for that!”

*******

“Why do you still carry that old pipe around anyway?” asked Belarus, still slumped against Russia’s front, not moving.  “You know people think it’s weird?  I don’t think it’s weird.  But it’s one of the things I don’t understand.  Is it like… you hear of people having a security _blanket_ but…”

Russia considered. “A big metal pipe I think makes me more secure than a blanket would.”

“And the scarf?” Belarus tugged on it.

Russia looked at Ukraine.  “A memento of my sister’s love.”  He smiled sadly.

Ukraine blinked and wiped her eyes quickly.  “You’re welcome, of course,” she whispered.  Belarus mouthed ‘sorry’ at her.  “We’re… we’re still family.  I’ve sent your presents already, both of you.”

“Thank you!” exclaimed Russia, sounding very pleased indeed.  “So early!”

“Yes, well, yes, I like to be organised.”

Silence again.

“Another year,” said Belarus.  “It’s just lines.  Misfortunes in sequence.  Maybe it would be better to have them all at once in parallel, and get it over with. Is that what death is like?”

*******

“Oh look,” said Prussia.  “Found my journal.  It was in my case all along.”

“You mean this… was all a wasted trip?  We didn’t even need to be here?”

“Haha, yeah, sorry, … like I said, forget my own head—hey, Germany, no no, stay calm.”

“This was all pointless—and now we’re trapped—there’s no air—”  He stumbled.

“Okay, okay, do you want to sit down?” Prussia caught him by the shoulders and helped him towards the floor.  “Do you want some water?  You’re sweating like crazy…”

“What? Yes.  Water.”  Germany grabbed the bottle, unscrewed it and took a big grateful gulp.  “Prussia, talk to me, come on, distract me.”

“Right! Yeah!  Okay!  Crap, what do I talk about, uh…”

Germany had his eyes half-closed and was hunched up with his head down.  “Read me… some of your journals, _anything_ …”

“Aw, but this one’s new, it was just like an Advent gift from Poland, there’s nothing much—but alright alright, sure, I’ll read it!!  Okay.  Ahem.   _Dear Diary. Today we had a meeting that was supposed to be about the refugee crisis, but England wanted to talk about his personal issues instead._  …Uh there are a few like that…”

“What else?  Come on, Prussia, help me here, give me something to think about—”

“Like what??”

“I don’t know, something—important, maybe that’ll snap me out of this—”

“Something important?”

“Something I don’t—already know about, I don’t know, I don’t know, I _don’t know_ —” He retched, clapping his hands over his mouth.

“Something important…”

Prussia felt dizzy, felt the blood drain from his own face.

“Something important that you don’t already know.”

Germany nodded mutely.

“Okay.” Prussia licked his dry lips. “Okay, you want something like that, I’ve got something, I…” He flicked over a few pages.

Germany could hear a ringing in his ears.

“ _Dear Diary…_ ”

Prussia could hear it too.

He took a deep breath.

_“Dear Diary, I think it’s getting worse.  I think I’m having problems with my memory.”_

*******

“Are you just going to sit there and play games?” England asked.

Hong Kong said, “Yeah?”

“So disrespectful!” China hissed, still annoyed.

“It is not!  It’s not like we’re having a discussion.  Hey, download this game then we can play against each other.”

“Wait, you’re online?” asked England. “How?  Signal’s dead in here!”

“I’m on the WiFi.”

“But they shut it down at the end of the day…”

“Yeah, the Guest one, I’m on the Staff one, it’s way faster anyway.”

“But—that needed a password!”

Hong Kong looked at China, who looked at England.  “Seriously?” said China.  

“WiFi Skeleton Key,” said Hong Kong.  “Wow, I thought everyone knew about that.”

*******

“It’s nice in here,” said Belarus, voice muffled by Russia’s coat.  “It’s like a tomb.  Want me to shoot the lights out?”

“No.”

“NO.”

*******

“And the Lonely Planet guide review of Tallinn??” Estonia seemed to be hitting his stride. “ _Do you know what it said?_ ”

“ _Yes,_ I do, and I’m sorry, but seriously Estonia are you _ever_ going to let that go??”

“No!!  I would have got a perfect score except it was ruined by DRUNKEN FINNS!”

“I said I’m sorry—”

“IN TRACKSUITS!”

“ _What’s wrong with tracksuits?”_

*******

England, Hong Kong and China sat side by side on the floor, all on their phones.

“…so has anyone tried the Knights of the Old Republic game on mobile?” Hong Kong asked.

“It’s on mobile now?” exclaimed England.  “For free?”

“Nah, paid, but apparently it’s pretty good…”

“I remember it back in the day…  Get it!”

“Have you seen the new Star Wars?” China asked.

“Yes!

“Of _course_!”

“What was your favourite part?  I liked the part where—”

“Shh!!” England interrupted.  “Hey, America, if you don’t want to be spoiled for… well he’ll have see it six times already, never mind, oh well.  Go on!”

*******

On the plus side, it seemed to be working as a distraction technique.

“But you can’t—” Germany kept saying, all attention focussed on Prussia now, “you can’t be, it’s just stress…”

“That’s not a very supportive reaction!” Prussia joked.  “Look, I’ve got it under control, just need a system and I’m awesome at systems. Except for today, I guess.  But I’ve been keeping track and… I know I didn’t need to do this before.  If I don’t write something down where I’ll see it, it’s pretty much gone.”

“Prussia… what did you mean by _it’s getting worse?_  What else haven’t you been telling me?”

Prussia sighed. He had been wanting to share this for so long, but at the same time… and now it came to it…  

“I’m not healing as fast anymore.”

“You’re not _healing_?”

“As fast. Don’t get your knickers in a twist, it’s fine!  This has been going on for, uh, a couple years now, and—”

“ _Years_?  Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh, you know!” Prussia waved his hands around. “Never a good time!  There’s nothing I’m going to do differently, it’s not as if I’m physically aging or anything like that, and I am still healing, just…  Ha!  I guess it’s a good thing we’re not so militaristic any more, ha!  Ha! Ha!”

“ _Prussia_.”

Germany hugged his brother hard and didn’t let go for a long time.

“Yeah,” muttered Prussia.  “Yeah well. Thanks.  I’m glad I told you.  Hey America, if you’re watching this?  You’re not gonna get more brotherly spilling of guts than this.  It’s time to open the doors, moron.”

*******

“ESTONIA! Look at me when I’m talking to you!! You’re such a computer addict! Are you—are you playing games on your phone or what?”

“I’m surprised you even know about games, did Nokia ever _make_ a smartphone?”

Finland spluttered incoherently.  “I—you—how dare you—”

“Oh, I dare. You’re falling behind, Finland.”

“You’ll never even reach my level in the first place!!”

Estonia’s eyes flashed.  “We’ll see about that!”

“Yes we will!”

“We will indeed!”

“ARE YOU DONE?”

“YES I’M DONE.”

“IT’S ABOUT TIME!”  Finland heaved a sigh of relief.  “…that was getting a bit, uh, real, you know?  Pull the thing and let’s get out of here!”

*******

America nearly spat the Cola he was drinking all over the control station.

“Wait, _what_?”

All his screens went blank.

In the quiet of the deserted building he could hear the hum as all the elevators started moving again.

*******

Finland and Estonia practically skipped down the stairs, high-fiving each other.

“Yes!! Yes yes yes, that was brilliant, Estonia, I knew you could do it!”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, if America suspected what I was doing he’d have cut the Staff WiFi for sure and we’d have been stuck.”

“We totally played him, didn’t we?”

“Yep.  Hey, uh, sorry to bring up the travel guide thing again I was running out of material.”

“I understand!” Finland nodded.  “Whew. That was hard work.”

“Yeah.  I guess we don’t really have that much to argue about…”

“…But we sure brought up everything little thing…”

“Yeah…” Estonia grinned sheepishly.  “Sorry again. I have noticed you’re in the EU really. Still friends?” He stuck out his hand.

Finland ignored it and enveloped him in a bear hug.  “You mean, _super-spy best buds_.  Always.”

*******

“Oh!  The doors have opened!  Thank goodness for that.  We can go home.”  Russia picked up Belarus by the shoulders and deposited her outside, then grabbed his briefcase and stepped out himself.

Ukraine, the last to leave, touched Belarus’ arm.

“Hey.  Thank you.  I really didn’t feel up to talking much.”

Belarus nodded. “It’s okay, sis, no problem.”  

She skipped off to grab Russia’s hand.  He was already some distance away from them, making great strides on his long legs.

*******

“Right, we are taking the _stairs_ from now on,” England proclaimed.

“Ah… my old bones…” said China feebly.

“I’m really not sure I believe in your old bones.”

“Shh!” Hong Kong held up a hand.  “Did you hear that?”

Somewhere down the hall, a door banged.

“If that’s America—”

“Get him!!”

They gave chase, old bones and all.  It _was_ America.

“America, you tit, what the _hell_ was that all about?”

“Uhh…” America put his hands up as the three of them backed him into a wall, “direct diplomacy?  That was great, right, wasn’t that great, didn't you get such a lot out of it?”

“No.”

“No.”

“ _No_.”

“Oh, well—ahh, don’t kill me, that’s soo against the spirit of all this, plus, it’s Christmas!!”

England and China exchanged exasperated looks.  Hong Kong shrugged.

“Fine,” said England, “come on, are you leaving?  I guess we should thank you for _finally_ letting us out.”

To his surprise, America laughed.  “That wasn’t me!  You went majorly off-topic, I wasn’t gonna let you out until you got back to politics. I think Finland and Estonia opened the elevators.”

“What?  Finland and Estonia?  Where were they?”

“Dude, it wasn’t just you guys stuck in elevators!  That was my whole plan—a bunch of people.  Like, you were always saying how dialogue with China isn’t as productive as you want—”

“Is that what you say to him?” China asked silkily.

“Oh come on, it isn’t,” said England, unabashed.

“—Anyway,” America said, “I got Estonia and Finland—”

“Why? What did they have to argue about?”

“Well, a whole _heap_ as it turns out!” America said, shaking a finger.  “But it was all a cover while they hacked into my system!  They must have been planning it all along and communicated like _telepathically_ or something ‘cos I had no idea.  Total spy movie stuff.  Anyway, then I got Russia and Ukraine and Belarus—”

Hong Kong walked into England as England suddenly stopped.  “You locked _Russia_ in a small room with… well, with anyone, but with _Ukraine_??”

“Yeah!  I figured of all people, they really needed to dialogue it out!”

“Oh my word.  Is everyone still in one piece??”

“ _Yes_.  And Prussia and Germany, though that was an accident and um.”  America chewed his lip.  “I didn’t get the whole story but… I think they actually did do some Sharing and Catharsis and everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Uh.”  America took off his glasses and polished them on his sleeve.  “I’m not sure I should spill about that, actually.”

*******

“That was an _awesome_ distraction technique, wasn’t it?” said Prussia, grinning widely, as he and Germany left their elevator.  “I had you 100% distracted.”

“ _What?_ You mean none of that was _true?”_

“Oh.  No, it was true.  But my timing was awesome, wasn’t it.  I bet that was about the only thing that would have really gotten your attention,”

“Oh. You’re probably right.  I can’t decide if that’s incredibly cynical or selfless or what.”

“I’d been wanting to tell you for ages.”

They walked on.

“We should probably have a word or two with America.  This shouldn’t go public, just for national security apart from anything else.”

“Yeah. America, seriously!  When I get ahold of him…!!”

Germany sighed. “Nothing we can say is going to stop him doing stupid stuff like this.  And it didn’t turn out so badly.”

“What?  You had a panic attack and I confessed to practically _human_ frailty!  I’d like to see what you call turning out badly!”

“You know me,” Germany said.  “I like to look on the bright side.  I got that from my awesome big brother.”

“Yeah!”  

Prussia clapped an arm around Germany’s shoulders, and they finally headed home.

*******

**Author's Note:**

> Look at [this](http://real-smug-caryatid.tumblr.com/post/136758913682/i-finally-got-around-to-reading-still-intrepid) adorbs Belarus and Russia drawn by real-smug-caryatid ^^


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